A couple of years ago I was approached by someone at my church I won't tell you her name, but her initials are Carrie... it was odd because she just asked me one day... have you ever had an abortion... what the. Generally when the topic came up, I always did whatever I could to not let my little secret out. But that day, someone else had control of my mouth cause my answer was yes... did I say that out loud
Along time ago I did have an abortion, I was scared and felt like there was no choice. In fact I had always hated that word CHOICE... its not choice, that lead me that day to the clinic, it was fear, fear of the unknown, fear of people knowing that I made a mistake, fear of what was going to happen, fear of asking for help, fear of judgement, FEAR of everything.
Cold, hard, gripping, choking, FEAR. That doesn't sound like choice to me, in fact in my head within moments of this fear, a choice was made, a choice that was made because it was pounded in my head somewhere along the road that the only choice is to run away from being afraid, and all of those feelings that pound you in giant crushing waves.
After that day, I went home and cried for days, I sobbed, and sobbed, blamed it on pms, and boyfriends what ever it took to hide from my choice. I remember those days still. I couldn't stop, that is when I began drinking, hard... I could drink anything, quarts of whiskey, vodka, whatever, I got high. I was violent, I fought people. I did whatever I could to push people away. It almost worked, God never gave up on me... Somehow I came out of it.
It wasn't till years later that I finally went to Silent Voices... man that is a powerful workshop, it is funny how you think I'm fine, I don't cry anymore, I don't even think about it, I don't talk about it, I change the subject, or walk away, I'm fine. Since going to Silent Voices, for the first time since my abortion I finally feel forgiven, I finally feel peace... and let me tell you that is a whole different feeling.
If you or someone you know have had an abortion at some point in life, contact TKRL 732-5000 ask for Ruthanne or about Silent Voices. If you are considering an abortion or know someone who is, look at all of your options, slow down and think about it, don't rush into a decision based on fear.
Face fear, find help!
if you want to make a pledge, see my walker page...
http://www.gifttool.com/athon/MyFundraisingPage?ID=1381&AID=554&PID=62320
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4 comments:
Thank you for sharing Shelley....how incredibly awesome how God has worked in your life, and how you have allowed Him....Thank you.
Shelley, I admire your courage and openess with sharing a piece of your life story. Praise God that you found healing, peace, forgiveness,and freedom in your life. I think your story will inspire and help others who are struggling. Aren't you glad we serve a gracious and forgiving God?
Lisha
AMEN sister... AMEN!
Shelley, thank you for being open with this. I have someone that is close to me that had an abortion a few years ago, and she went through a counseling program that the Care Pregnancy center here in Visalia offers and she finally found that forgiveness, and healing. She still deals with the nightmares occasionally, but she KNOWS THAT SHE KNOWS THAT SHE KNOWS that she is forgiven, and God has given her life in Him!
And I like the way you called Kerrie out :) too funny :)
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