All in all, it has been really good... I am excited it was funny, I was at a customers shop a few days ago. And they were like "WOW! have you lost weight." and I was at another place and I kept hearing "you look really good" all the time. Which is really exciting, but also makes me realize that I must have been feeling/looking really bad.
Last night I was at True Campaign:
The True Campaign exists to end the crisis of distorted self image by challenging cultural ideals about identity and beauty, so we can be free to impact our world as God intended... www.truecampaign.org
It was awesome. I really liked it. I feel like I am getting there, not so much about the losing weight, but more about, finding that place where I feel good again. I am getting there. I mean the pain is there and is something to deal with for a long time. But I fell into a depression, not liking myself, not believing in anything, always trying way so hard and feeling just as bad afterward; so why not indulge in the things that did make me feel good. food.
I am a food addict, I really love to eat, I eat when I am full, I eat when I am angry, or upset, I eat whenever there is food around me. I may not be as bad as some, thank God for that, so back off Dr Phil. I didn't realize just how much damage I was doing... the good news is yesterday I was at a meeting and it just didn't go well, so I went out to lunch... but the good news is, it was a salad bar. So, bad for the reasons, but a better choice none-the less...
I tell myself, well it is better than when I was doing... I was a raging alcoholic, a few years ago. But really... is it better, sure in some ways, not as much, but both have the same psychological reasons. Why? Why do I feel this way? Why will I never feel loved enough? Why do I push so hard? Why do I keep doing it, when I know that I shouldn't?
Well the one thing I can tell you is that it is one day at a time. One good choice after another. Don't rush, don't be so hard on myself.
Go Team Visalia!
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1 comment:
Shelley...rock on sister! I love to hear that you are taking it one step at a time. Though your one steps at a time may seem so small, you are an inspiration for so many others to take one step in the right direction also. You are great, you look great and the light of Christ shines through you! Keep it up.
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