This morning they briefly touched on the donation by Jeanine Mason's 250,000 to Making Memories, an organization for Alzheimer's. I probably mentioned before I was raised by my grandma, I was raised to believe that she was my momma till I was about 15. She is still my momma though. I remember momma as she got older she was "forgetful".
It wasn't till later when I was about 18 or so that I realized that it was more than that. When I moved out and would come over to visit, she would forget that I didn't live there anymore, when I would explain to her and try to remind her of the times she came over, she just couldn't remember. Most times she had trouble remembering if she had even eaten. Later I joined the Marine Corp, I would call, her voice so soft, we would talk a little before asking my name again.
I remember the day when I came by while on leave to visit, like it was yesterday, she moved in with my mother by then, and she looked at me blankly. I knew what was coming, I didn't want to hear the words from her, I couldn't bear the pain of my momma not remembering me and our whole lives together. As if it was drawn out on a dry erase board, one quick swipe, and essentially my childhood, my life...gone.
No witness to the times we would laugh and laugh at the way my dog chased her tail till she ran into the dresser, sitting around watching episodes of Cops on TV, shopping together, or the times when I cried and cried over a boy. I remember though, I will always remember her smile, laughter, and the way she would hug me so tight, telling me how much she loves me.
I couldn't bear the pain of that loss, oddly similar to death "momma, do you want me to get your coffee" she smiled... "yes honey" Momma passed away several years ago, I miss her, I miss us. But I am happy that now she can remember everything!
I love you momma!
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