Crossroads, Confusion, and Chocolate

Well lately I have been wildly aware of my lack of focus.   I have tried many times to "sit and listen" you know be calm and listen to my heart... to God, but I just can't get my mind to stop turning.  I understand that this is what I need to do, but how!  How is it possible for me to sit for even 5 minutes, cause when I do I am flooded and find as if a thousand voices are screaming and talking at once.  

Now before you make a call to a mental facility.... understand that I like my voices.  And maybe I like this lack of peace, most of the time.  Or am I  afraid of the quiet... who knows really, I don't.  I do know that I wish I had direction or focus.  I am afraid of the future because it seems so clouded and unsure.  

I would like to be able to finish a couple of projects I started that I think are good, like my book for instance.  But it got a little personal, and I began to have fear for some of those drudged little things... However, I have this desire to do it, but fear to do it and have taken a break, lack of focus for the original reasons I started doing it.  I am guessing anyhow.  

I am in this medical limbo which is probably what kicked off this sudden life moment.  Can't really do anything till we figure out what is going on.  I haven't truly committed to anything here lately, kind of sticking my feet in but not really diving in and committing to task.  This is all new for me, I have always been a fully committed kind of gal (not white coat committed...not yet)  I feel like I am living in a waiting for the other shoe to drop kind of world.

I know that I can't live like this, not with any kind of quality, so the question is  what do I do.  I am not completely sure of the  answer because I keep answering with regards to how it affects other people.  I listen to Dave Ramsey alot, something that would have the teenage version of me mortified... but he said something recently to a man on the show that got me thinking....  it was reference to a man who was wanting advice for starting a business,  simply put "don't do it unless it is something that you can't wait to do when you wake up and the last thing you think of when you go to sleep at night"  I don't really have that... at all, unless it is something I am "chewing on" at the moment.

I think the answer lies within that, I just have to somehow find it, find me, in all this craziness!